Auf Wiedersehen!

The birds, darlings! THE BIRDS ATE MY DRESS!

Well it's about god damn time, wouldn't you say? And does anyone think it was a coincidence that the minute they took fabric away from these babies, they all turned on each other, providing the most entertaining hour of the season so far? They should take the fabric away permanently. Or better yet, take away a different element each week. Fabric - but no thread! Fabric and thread - but no closures! Fabric, thread, and closures - but no dress forms! Sewing machines without needles! Needles without sewing machines! The possibilities are ENDLESS. Producers, watching designers flail about in panic and turn on each other is FUN, we don't care what any of the purists say.

Gaze into the face of a liar, kittens! A LIAR! And not just any liar, but the liar who lied the biggest lie in the history of Project Runway!!!!!

Puh. Leeze.
Sure, it was a whopper, and sure, he made himself look pretty foolish in the process, but we tend to think that signing a form declaring that you have taken no fashion-related reading materials with you and then stashing them under the bed counts as a somewhat bigger lie than this. Hell, "Kara jumped up and down backstage and that's why my jumpsuit is falling apart" was a bigger lie than this.

This was just basic ass-covering. Laughable ass-covering ("My other dress is a Dior."), but nothing all that shocking to anyone who's been watching the show for awhile. Maybe they meant "The biggest lie in the history of Project Runway on Lifetime."

There is a strong temptation to link his little fib with his professed addiction issues, but frankly, we don't get paid enough to do that kind of psychoanalysis and besides it would be awfully presumptuous of us.

We will say this: watching him over these last 5 episodes we were struck by, well, how much energy he seems to suck out of the room. He's either melting down, about to melt down, or strutting around making a big show of how he's not melting down. It must have been exhausting for everyone else.

Alright, enough of this Lifetime Movie of the Week drama. Let's look at the dress.

Model: Emarie Wiltz

It wasn't horrible. Bad, yes. And a decision by the judges with which we agreed, but all things considered, it wasn't an eyesore.

What's with the Wilma Flintstone hemline?

For the most part, it was a deadly dull dress that he tried to spice up with some poorly chosen design elements, like the aforementioned hemline and that weird boob spike.

Honestly, he might have been able to salvage it if he hadn't gone with the godawful styling. Putting poor Emarie in those red hooker shoes and teasing her hair out to stripper levels may have been the worst decisions he made all episode.

One thing's for sure: you do not FUCK with Tim Gunn's sense of propriety.

"Designers, I am apoplectic over Johnny's inconceivable utterances that insult the very concept of truth! It is so preposterous, ridiculous and fatuous! I'm so beside myself that I'm actually running out of words to describe this heinous act that besmirches the good name of Project Runway! Fiction! It was pure fiction! A fabrication, even! I'm heading back to my office for a drink and a thesaurus. You're on your own."

Entended Judging:



Exit Video:



[Photos: Mike Yarish/myLifetime.com - Videos: myLifetime.com - Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]



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Bottom Boys

Let's check out the messy bottoms, shall we?

"This challenge is actually kind of simple. I know what Emarie likes. We have the same aesthetic, we have the same idea, we have the same vibe. It's like designing something for myself if I were a black girl."

Oh, honey. With that one sentence alone you confirmed the years and years you spent in front of a mirror lip synching to Destiny's Child.

We think these two have the cutest designer/model relationship. She quickly became very good at cutting him down when he gets a little too big for his britches and calming him down when he's heading for another melt down.

Model: Emarie Wiltz

Unfortunately, their collaboration resulted in this.

We have to say that loudmouth was right. That IS a cute purse.

We really can't add anything to what the judges said. It's a mess. We don't really get the "bridesmaid" slam. That's not quite true. We get it (mainly because of the color); it's just that it wouldn't have been the first thing to come to mind for us.

More like a walk of shame dress to us. Those frayed edges at the bust are the only interesting thing he did but unfortunately, because the rest of the dress is so sloppy-looking, the effect is muted. They could have looked cool and edgy if the rest of the dress was impeccably done.

But it's just such a wrinkled mess that anything of slight interest was lost.

Design-wise, it's not that bad. Yeah, a little basic and yeah, he could have chosen a slightly more sophisticated color, but for us, the very worst thing about it is that it looks like it was rolled up in a ball at the bottom of her hamper. Still, we get why they kept him over Qristyl. He at least tried to some minor things to jazz it up.

Here you go, ladies. Tom would like it known that he used to have a pair of silver jeans just like these and hung onto them for years, partly because he paid a shit ton of money for them and partly because he knew they'd come back in style some day. Unfortunately, by the time they came back in style, Tom realized he was a bit past the age when he could get away with silver jeans and not look pathetic. It was with great sadness that he had to let them go. Let that be a lesson to the babies out there: wear your silver jeans while you still can.

Now these two had a weird relationship, we thought. Then again, it seems like Logan has weird relationships with every model he's worked with so far. He almost seems scared of them. Granted, Kojii had some strange requests.

Model: Kojii Helnwein

But he really should have put his foot down at some point and asserted himself as the designer. Because kittens?

This was a mess.
Once again, we have little to add to what the judges said. It does look like an old prom dress reimagined. Like Molly Ringwald if The Psychedelic Furs had recorded a song called Pretty in Blue.

Bleh. The skirt's too full and messy looking. And it looks like it should have a poodle appliqued onto it.

The only thing we kinda like is what he did around her waist there. It's a shame it got lost in all that heavy black lace. Again, we get why he was kept over Qristyl. It's not a good look by any means, but he tried to do something with an edge and she did a basic cocktail dress. Point of view wins out over boring every time on this show.

Still, he's no fool. He knew how to get out of an auf'ing. Lucky for him there was a horny stylist on the judging panel.

"The dress looks like shit, but mommy likes what you're wearing."

"Jennifer, why don't we concentra--"

"Shut it. I don't think he's wearing underwear. Is that a visible penis line? Me-OW."

Extended Judging:





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Team Drama-Free

Day off? There's no days off in reality television blogging!

Honestly, we thought this was the oddest pairing out of all of them and yet...

Model: Kalyn Hemphill

The bitches made it work.

We could quibble over how beachy this look is (hint: not at all), but it really was a cute, chic, easy look. In fact, it kind of calls to mind what Mitchell's maternity outfit SHOULD have been if he'd been more talented.

What keeps it in beach mode is the macramé bathing suit and from the back, we have to agree with the judges, it was gorgeous and unique.

Although it does look a little like those potholders we made in summer camp in the '70s.

Still, it was stylish and simple and really, that's all the challenge called for.

Model: Emarie Wiltz

We don't care how much Max Azria praised this, we were underwhelmed.

As so many commenters have already pointed out, there was a bit too much to remind us of Christian Siriano's and Chris March's avant garde look from season 4. Namely, the big asymmetrical collar.

Aside from that, there was just too much of everything with this dress, which for some reason, is how a lot of these designers envisioned avant garde: just turn the dials up to 11 and call it a day.

And why was there so much shit brown on that runway?

Yes, the woven bodice was kindasorta interesting and we'll give them credit for tying their two looks together (asymmetrical, brown, macramé), but this just looks like an overdone party dress. Interesting, but a little too sloppy and not avant garde in any real way.

They deserved what praise they got however, and Johnny must be singled out for making sure that the judges knew how invaluable Irina was to the team. Good job, kids.

Don't worry. We'll get to Mad Men soon. In the mean time, go read this week's T Lo Awards.



Extended Judging:





[Photos: Mike Yarish/myLifetime.com - Video: myLifetime.com - Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]



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To the Bitter End

Let's wrap it up, kids.

Johnny:

We cringed when we saw Johnny making this Betty Draper jacket for his dress. He nailed it when he said it was too "Easter Sunday." Of course Qristyl nailed it even better when she said Rebecca Romijn wouldn't even dust in a jacket like that. It kills us when designers say we're "too mean." Have they ever listened to the trash talk they sling around?

Model: Emarie Wiltz

So, points to him for realizing the jacket wasn't a good idea, but we're scratching our heads wondering why he thought shoving it into her purse was a solution. If he'd been in either the top or bottom 3 the judges would have definitely noticed it, commented on it, and probably made her try it on in front of them.

As for the dress, we don't love. It's such a dreary color and unflattering length. That little party favor at the top just looks strange to us.

As does the overuse of piping, which makes the dress look a little cheap. Plus, what's with the weird blousson effect in the back? What 's the point of a maternity dress that's tight across the stomach but big and loose in the back?

Qristyl:

Model: Erika Macke

It took us a while, but we're coming around on this one.

The only thing we really don't like is the color, but that may just be because it's a poor match to Erika's coloring. We're not normally a fan of twisted fabric, but it's unique for maternity wear.

In fact, the whole look had some subtle, unique (pun unintended) twists to it, from the strap, to the way it draped in the front, to the black underskirt. It was kind of flattering, actually.

The back is a little bleh, though.


Nicolas:

Model: Ebony Jointer

Pocahontas knocked out another short, tight and shiny black dress, earning him his second Heidi award in a row. We're detecting a theme here.

We have to say, we really do like the top of this dress. It had some interesting detailing to it. Unfortunately, the execution was a bit on the sloppy side.

And while he feared that his skirt was too short (it was), our biggest issue was that it was so tight. Who the hell would wear a pencil skirt in her third trimester?

Oh. Right.

Tim Gunn's Workroom Critique:







[Photos: Mike Yarish/myLifetime.com - Videos: myLifetime.com - Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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