Color us disappointed. We wanted to see some major bitchtastic fireworks coming from Fatma's direction this episode. Instead...
Vanessa went into full-on, not-without-my-daughter, Lifetime Television for Women mode.
Just goes to show you can never tell which direction the drama's going to come from when it comes to models. Granted, Fatma DID say she wanted to punch Vanessa in the face, and her defense of that was appropriately hilarious:
"I said it under my breath, it's not something I told her to her face, it's an expression."
Oh! Well then! That's completely understandable.
In other breaking model news, apparently everyone forgot they hated Mitchell:
"You're the most beautiful girl in the world."
"I know. Now I am going to crush your head with my giant model hands for putting me in danger again. Hold still."
And Erika decides a SAG card and an Arby's commercial is better for her career than being compared to a soccer ball by Michael Kors. Go figure.
Heidi goes fishing for some bitchery: "So, we wish her well, right?"
"You're fucking kidding, right?"
But YAY! Valerie's back. Seriously, from where we're sitting, she's the best of the lot. She's got the poise and the walk of a pro and she's got the kind of bone structure that makes photographers weep. Girl is a star in the making.
Back at Casa de Model, Vanessa's going for her Emmy:
"I feel extremely betrayed by Fatma. I will never be friends or trust that woman EVER again."
"I can't accept your apology. I think it's fake and phony, maybe I need some time to think about it."
"But...but...the producers told me I was supposed to be the crazy bitch on the show."
Models eat. Shyeah.
It's model-pickin' time! Logan, cupping his testicles protectively, picks Kojii.
Fatma debates whether she should merely cry on the runway or take a knife to a model's throat and start a hostage situation.
Erica goes home and the burgeoning lesbian soft core porn she and Matar were providing the producers goes with her, to the producers' eternal regret.
And if those airheaded designers leave Valerie standing on the runway like that again we'll...we'll...we'll write very mean things about them!
We cringed when we saw Johnny making this Betty Draper jacket for his dress. He nailed it when he said it was too "Easter Sunday." Of course Qristyl nailed it even better when she said Rebecca Romijn wouldn't even dust in a jacket like that. It kills us when designers say we're "too mean." Have they ever listened to the trash talk they sling around?
Model: Emarie Wiltz
So, points to him for realizing the jacket wasn't a good idea, but we're scratching our heads wondering why he thought shoving it into her purse was a solution. If he'd been in either the top or bottom 3 the judges would have definitely noticed it, commented on it, and probably made her try it on in front of them.
As for the dress, we don't love. It's such a dreary color and unflattering length. That little party favor at the top just looks strange to us.
As does the overuse of piping, which makes the dress look a little cheap. Plus, what's with the weird blousson effect in the back? What 's the point of a maternity dress that's tight across the stomach but big and loose in the back?
Qristyl:
Model: Erika Macke
It took us a while, but we're coming around on this one.
The only thing we really don't like is the color, but that may just be because it's a poor match to Erika's coloring. We're not normally a fan of twisted fabric, but it's unique for maternity wear.
In fact, the whole look had some subtle, unique (pun unintended) twists to it, from the strap, to the way it draped in the front, to the black underskirt. It was kind of flattering, actually.
The back is a little bleh, though.
Nicolas:
Model: Ebony Jointer
Pocahontas knocked out another short, tight and shiny black dress, earning him his second Heidi award in a row. We're detecting a theme here.
We have to say, we really do like the top of this dress. It had some interesting detailing to it. Unfortunately, the execution was a bit on the sloppy side.
And while he feared that his skirt was too short (it was), our biggest issue was that it was so tight. Who the hell would wear a pencil skirt in her third trimester?
This is a little mean, but you have no idea how fun it is to type "auf wiedersehen" again.
"Hello, fabric, what would you like me to make you into today?"
"Gee, I don't know, Ari. How about something that doesn't make me embarrassed to be fabric?"
Maybe we've just been watching these things for too long but as open-minded as we try to be, she just got on our last gay nerve. Nobody respects those who joyfully fly their freak flag more than us, but there's travelin' to the beat of a different drum and then there's going out of your way to make sure everyone knows you're different.
"Yay, she's got big feet like me!"
"Yeah! Maybe she'll show up dressed like a superhero clown too!"
"My garment, I feel, does not fulfill the stereotype of the typical red carpet gown."
No, honey. That's not quite accurate. Your garment was not a red carpet gown at all. Like we said, go your own way (Jesus, what's with all the classic rock lyrics in this post?) but there was a challenge to be had last night and you didn't just put your twist on it; you ignored it to produce something that had nothing to do with it. She was about as on point with her look as if she had faithfully reproduced a Major League Baseball uniform and called it a gown.
Look, we're all for the conceptual stuff, especially in a competition like this. It adds some interest and some tension to the show. Our main problem with her look last night was that SHE HAD NO CONCEPT. Unless you count "I'm going to ignore what I was asked to do" as a concept.
Part of what makes Project Runway interesting is that with each challenge, very strict guidelines and restrictions are imposed on the designer and the fun comes in watching how they remain creative and true to themselves within those boundaries. We have no problem with her idea of quilted hexagons to form a dress, nor did we have a problem with a hoodie. Those elements, while outside the norm, could still have worked on, say, something gown-length and fitted.
Model: Erika Macke
But she produced something that, at first glance, was obviously not meant to be worn on a red carpet. Not even Juliette Lewis at a benefit to raise funds for Courtney Love's facial reconstruction would show up wearing this thing. Bjork would just roll her eyes and say "Please. I have an image to uphold."
Taken on its own, it's ... well, okay, we guess. It's still pretty ugly. But if you ignore that she tried to pass this off as a red carpet look and take it on its own merits, it's interesting at least.
But that's it. That's as far as our compliments go. Interesting, yes. Also, ugly. The pleating on the bottom was sloppy and took the textural interest too far. Those bloomers...y'know, we're shocking ourselves with what just popped into our heads. Those bloomers are actually a little cute. The problem is that they don't go with the silver piece at all. There's just too much going on here. Again, it feels like she's screaming about how she's such a unique little snowflake at the top of her lungs instead of quietly producing something that challenges people's expectations.
Don't even get us started on the weirdness that's going on around her neck. We don't even know what the hell that is.
And finally, the worst sin of all, it was TERRIBLY executed. If you want to go out on a limb, go there, but make damn sure you produce something impeccable when you do.
But kudos to the judges, because we were convinced they were going to see "point of view" and keep her in the competition. Even Lindsay was having none of it:
"But the person that's wearing it has to love it more because you can make it all you want but you gotta make sure someone is going to buy it."
Say what you will about LiLo, but she was dead on there. Of course, the real joy came in watching the master:
"Ari, is it? Ari, let me read off my score card for you:
'Ha. Hahaha. Haha.
Ha."
"You see where I'm coming from, don't you, Ari?"
"I want her to also go and receive her Nobel Peace Prize on the same night."
"A Nobel Prize, you say? For what? Did she bring about peace in the middle east by getting them all to drop their guns and fall over laughing?"
"I'm an adorable little pixie of unconventionality!"
"Sweetie, I could crush all your dreams with one hand tied behind my back. I could tear you down so far that you'll spend the rest of your life questioning yourself every time you pick up a needle or pair of scissors. I could induce such a level of self-doubt and post-traumatic stress disorder in you that you will cry every time you pass a fabric store. I am the Goddamn Fashion Director of Marie Claire and I have been there and done that. Don't try and pull a fast one on Aunt Nina.
Now go. Before I change my mind about treating you gently."
"You better run. I can't guarantee she's gonna stay in that chair for much longer."
It's a Fatma fatwa!
Color us disappointed. We wanted to see some major bitchtastic fireworks coming from Fatma's direction this episode. Instead...
Vanessa went into full-on, not-without-my-daughter, Lifetime Television for Women mode.
Just goes to show you can never tell which direction the drama's going to come from when it comes to models. Granted, Fatma DID say she wanted to punch Vanessa in the face, and her defense of that was appropriately hilarious:
"I said it under my breath, it's not something I told her to her face, it's an expression."
"You're the most beautiful girl in the world."
And Erika decides a SAG card and an Arby's commercial is better for her career than being compared to a soccer ball by Michael Kors. Go figure.
"So, we wish her well, right?"
"You're fucking kidding, right?"
But YAY! Valerie's back. Seriously, from where we're sitting, she's the best of the lot. She's got the poise and the walk of a pro and she's got the kind of bone structure that makes photographers weep. Girl is a star in the making.
"I feel extremely betrayed by Fatma. I will never be friends or trust that woman EVER again."
"I can't accept your apology. I think it's fake and phony, maybe I need some time to think about it."
"But...but...the producers told me I was supposed to be the crazy bitch on the show."
Models eat. Shyeah.
It's model-pickin' time! Logan, cupping his testicles protectively, picks Kojii.
Fatma debates whether she should merely cry on the runway or take a knife to a model's throat and start a hostage situation.
Erica goes home and the burgeoning lesbian soft core porn she and Matar were providing the producers goes with her, to the producers' eternal regret.
