If we can get into a little armchair psychoanalysis, it seems to us that Miss Qristyl was really thrown off her game by last week's disastrous challenge. Between having Epperson constantly question her skill level and that embarrassing throw-down in front of the judges, she seems to have lost the brash, confident, "plus sexy" promise of her earlier self. "I'm the B-I-T-C-H," she said, forlornly to her room mates, and we sensed right from that moment that she was going to be on the chopping block yet again. Confidence always wins in reality television and self-doubt is a quick ticket home (or back to PR jail, where they're sequestered until the shooting is over).
Because of her lack of confidence she was a little too receptive to Tim's criticism. And we have to say...
We think he was off the mark on this one. No, her original design wouldn't have gotten her the win, but if she'd stuck with it, she could have avoided an auf. Tim said it looked sloppy, but we didn't think so. Unfortunately, she was raw from last week and the slightest criticism from Tim had her scrambling to pull something else together.
Model: Valerie Roy
Unfortunately, this is what she wound up sending down the runway.
It's really not a bad little dress. The problem is, it's boring. Heidi nailed it when she said Valerie looked like the girl who'd be serving the champagne instead of the girl attending the party.
We like the ripple effect on the fabric, though.
And the back is sexy.
But the absolute worst thing you can do on Project Runway is offer something safe and boring. Even shitty guest judges get bent out of shape over it.
"Valerie, do you like your dress?"
"Yeah, I do."
"But that's why Valerie is not a designer, right?"
"Yeah..."
"Thank God."
"You gonna let that skinny white bitch talk to me like that?"
When it comes to reality show throw-downs, editing almost always plays a huge part in heightening the drama and taking sound bites from a 2 or 3-day period and making them sound like a rapid fire argument. With Epperson and Qristyl, 2 contestants who up till now had come across as quiet and friendly, respectively, the editing suddenly showed them to be pompous and defensive with each other.
Which isn't to say that there weren't clear personality conflicts going on; just that, as viewers to this rapid-edit bitchfight, we really can't say who was in the wrong here or who started it or who should have acted differently.
Certainly, the normally quiet, somewhat affable Epperson did come across as if he thought Qristyl needed to be told what to do.
And Qristyl, for her part, did come across a mite too defensive every time Epperson opened his mouth. Plus she never seemed to let him finish a sentence without jumping all over him.
One thing we will never understand about these types of conflicts is why one of them never says to the other "Look, I don't like you but I don't want to get sent home and neither do you. How about we shut up and finish this without the sniping?"
The ironic thing is that for all their bitching and scratching...
Model: Erica Milde
They had almost nothing to show for it. This is just okay. A basic sundress with some minor twists - and the twists didn't work out so well.
First off: titscrepancy. Heidi made a point to commend them on how well they fit the bust - and we would have thought that to be the one area where she had more knowledge than the other judges - but those boobs don't look so hot to us.
Second, that weird torso panel. Does it come off or not? Tim didn't like it when it was removable and she didn't take it off on the runway, but why does it still look like a separate piece? And why didn't the judges notice that?
Third, there's the balloon effect on the skirt. We no love.
We also no love those shoes, but that's a different story.
It's just a boring dress with a weird silhouette, wonky boobs, and a panel that either does or does not come off. Confusing. No one should have to think that much about something you could pick up at Dress Barn for 20 bucks.
Model: Matar Cohen
Avant garde: a⋅vant-garde /əˌvɑntˈgɑrd, əˌvænt-, ˌævɑnt-, ˌɑvɑnt-; Fr. avɑ̃ˈgard/ Pronunciation [uh-vahnt-gahrd, uh-vant-, av-ahnt-, ah-vahnt-; Fr. a-vahn-gard] –noun 1. the advance group in any field, esp. in the visual, literary, or musical arts, whose works are characterized chiefly by unorthodox and experimental methods.
2. a shitty bathing suit with a curtain stapled to it.
What can we say? This was a disaster.
A poorly conceived, poorly executed, badly fitted poop-colored disaster that was about as avant garde as a fart.
In fact, it's a fart in clothing form.
Nina put it best and had the only reaction one could possibly have toward this:
"What IS this?"
We could go on and on about how "avant garde" is meaningless as a directive or style brief (and we probably will for the rest of the week) because it means different things to different people, but we can say with some assurance that NO ONE would consider this avant garde in any way, shape or form. There's nothing forward-thinking about this; nothing that challenges the audience in any way. It's a very basic garment, poorly executed, with a last-minute desperate addition of a big, incongruous poof.
In that sense, it was a perfect summation of their time together as a team.
We keep going back and forth, trying to find a person to blame here. Qristyl threw Epperson under the bus! But Epperson deserved it because he took over and treated her badly! But she should have asserted herself without being so defensive! But! But!
Oh, to hell with it. They both acted badly and it showed in the final product.
We cringed when we saw Johnny making this Betty Draper jacket for his dress. He nailed it when he said it was too "Easter Sunday." Of course Qristyl nailed it even better when she said Rebecca Romijn wouldn't even dust in a jacket like that. It kills us when designers say we're "too mean." Have they ever listened to the trash talk they sling around?
Model: Emarie Wiltz
So, points to him for realizing the jacket wasn't a good idea, but we're scratching our heads wondering why he thought shoving it into her purse was a solution. If he'd been in either the top or bottom 3 the judges would have definitely noticed it, commented on it, and probably made her try it on in front of them.
As for the dress, we don't love. It's such a dreary color and unflattering length. That little party favor at the top just looks strange to us.
As does the overuse of piping, which makes the dress look a little cheap. Plus, what's with the weird blousson effect in the back? What 's the point of a maternity dress that's tight across the stomach but big and loose in the back?
Qristyl:
Model: Erika Macke
It took us a while, but we're coming around on this one.
The only thing we really don't like is the color, but that may just be because it's a poor match to Erika's coloring. We're not normally a fan of twisted fabric, but it's unique for maternity wear.
In fact, the whole look had some subtle, unique (pun unintended) twists to it, from the strap, to the way it draped in the front, to the black underskirt. It was kind of flattering, actually.
The back is a little bleh, though.
Nicolas:
Model: Ebony Jointer
Pocahontas knocked out another short, tight and shiny black dress, earning him his second Heidi award in a row. We're detecting a theme here.
We have to say, we really do like the top of this dress. It had some interesting detailing to it. Unfortunately, the execution was a bit on the sloppy side.
And while he feared that his skirt was too short (it was), our biggest issue was that it was so tight. Who the hell would wear a pencil skirt in her third trimester?
"I don't call it plus-sized, I call it plus-sexy."
Can we just say, that from a former copy editor's perspective that drives Tom completely nuts? It makes no sense. If she had said "I don't call it plus-sized, I call it SEXY-sized," THAT makes perfect sense. And a cute little tagline. "Plus-sexy?" That doesn't mean anything.
It is the bane of copy editors and former copy editors to go through life having these thoughts. Pity them.
Having said that, we do love the gal and look forward to high entertainment coming from her direction all season. Consider what she's like merely buying fabric:
"As I was saying, Designers, you have 15 more minutes."
As for her dress...
Model: Kalyn Hemphill
There are aspects of it we like, but we can't argue with the judges putting her in the bottom. Back when we were pre-judging her, we said it looked like she had issues with the kinds of fabrics she uses and we're sorry to say it looks like we were right. They're bright and vibrant fabrics, but they don't look expensive at all. Does it look to you like she had 200 bucks to spend in a high end fabric store?
In her defense, color- and pattern-wise, they're bold choices for the red carpet. We just think she could have found fabrics that provided the same effects AND looked high-end.
Also in her defense, we have to say that while we couldn't argue with her low scores, there's definitely something there, from a design perspective. Good enough to make us (and the judges apparently) want to keep her in to see what she does. That treatment at the front looks to us like a good (or at least interesting) idea gone wrong.
It seems that she cycled through too many ideas in the process. Check out the back there. It's completely different from the final dress.
And the front looks less blousson than it did walking down the runway.
It looks like she had a crisis of nerve (which was practically an epidemic in that workroom) and overthought her garment.
We will say that the back was as beautiful as she claimed. It was the one thing she got completely right.
Girl just needs to find her center and take a few deep breaths next time. If she panics during a basic red carpet challenge, what's she gonna be like when they ask her to go dumpster diving for materials?
Kittens, we have a dilemma here. We are, as you know, total bitches. But we feel a little funny making fun of someone in recovery.
Oh, the hell with it. He chose to air it on national television, didn't he? Every 10 minutes or so, right? He announced it to his roommates within THE FIRST TWO MINUTES OF MEETING THEM.
"Hi, I'm a recovering meth addict. Oh, and my name's Johnny. Nice to meth you. I mean meet you."
Anyone who's ever had a friend go through 12-step can tell you that for quite a while after their recovery, there is literally almost nothing else they're capable of talking about. You want to be all supportive and yay and you can do it, but on the inside you're all "Ohmigod, can we talk about ANYTHING else for a while?"
Such was the case with Johnny here. Some commenters called it out as a Sebelia-esque ploy for attention, but we don't think so. We think he's still in the throes of obsessing over his downfall and we kinda wonder if a reality television competition was a good idea for someone in his state.
Then again, he's got Tim Gunn and his magical hugs there, so maybe he'll do alright in the end.
Model: Emarie Wiltz
He certainly did alright with this competition although to be honest, we can't see why.
The dress had a couple things going for it, but to our eyes, it had just as many things wrong with it as right.
Here's what he got right: the back.
Very sexy and provocative and well-fitted.
But the front? Kittens, we don't get it. It's very basic draping and it looks like it's held in place by a couple stitches. The effect is not particularly flattering or fabulous.
Further, we're not all that crazy about the fabric and the trim. Red and black are difficult to do without going into whore territory and he's right on the cusp there.
In fact, in a weird way, he had exactly the same issues QrystalQristal Qristyl did: fabric choices that looked a little cheap and tacky, overthinking his garment, and a back that looked great but a front that looked unflattering and messy. So why was she in the bottom and he in the top?
Gosh, you don't think they were going for a "storyline," do you? Perish the thought.
Aw, we feel bad.
If we can get into a little armchair psychoanalysis, it seems to us that Miss Qristyl was really thrown off her game by last week's disastrous challenge. Between having Epperson constantly question her skill level and that embarrassing throw-down in front of the judges, she seems to have lost the brash, confident, "plus sexy" promise of her earlier self. "I'm the B-I-T-C-H," she said, forlornly to her room mates, and we sensed right from that moment that she was going to be on the chopping block yet again. Confidence always wins in reality television and self-doubt is a quick ticket home (or back to PR jail, where they're sequestered until the shooting is over).
Because of her lack of confidence she was a little too receptive to Tim's criticism. And we have to say...
We think he was off the mark on this one. No, her original design wouldn't have gotten her the win, but if she'd stuck with it, she could have avoided an auf. Tim said it looked sloppy, but we didn't think so. Unfortunately, she was raw from last week and the slightest criticism from Tim had her scrambling to pull something else together.
Model: Valerie Roy
It's really not a bad little dress. The problem is, it's boring. Heidi nailed it when she said Valerie looked like the girl who'd be serving the champagne instead of the girl attending the party.
We like the ripple effect on the fabric, though.
And the back is sexy.
But the absolute worst thing you can do on Project Runway is offer something safe and boring. Even shitty guest judges get bent out of shape over it.
"Valerie, do you like your dress?"
"Yeah, I do."
"But that's why Valerie is not a designer, right?"
"Yeah..."
"Thank God."
"You gonna let that skinny white bitch talk to me like that?"
