If we can get into a little armchair psychoanalysis, it seems to us that Miss Qristyl was really thrown off her game by last week's disastrous challenge. Between having Epperson constantly question her skill level and that embarrassing throw-down in front of the judges, she seems to have lost the brash, confident, "plus sexy" promise of her earlier self. "I'm the B-I-T-C-H," she said, forlornly to her room mates, and we sensed right from that moment that she was going to be on the chopping block yet again. Confidence always wins in reality television and self-doubt is a quick ticket home (or back to PR jail, where they're sequestered until the shooting is over).
Because of her lack of confidence she was a little too receptive to Tim's criticism. And we have to say...
We think he was off the mark on this one. No, her original design wouldn't have gotten her the win, but if she'd stuck with it, she could have avoided an auf. Tim said it looked sloppy, but we didn't think so. Unfortunately, she was raw from last week and the slightest criticism from Tim had her scrambling to pull something else together.
Model: Valerie Roy
Unfortunately, this is what she wound up sending down the runway.
It's really not a bad little dress. The problem is, it's boring. Heidi nailed it when she said Valerie looked like the girl who'd be serving the champagne instead of the girl attending the party.
We like the ripple effect on the fabric, though.
And the back is sexy.
But the absolute worst thing you can do on Project Runway is offer something safe and boring. Even shitty guest judges get bent out of shape over it.
"Valerie, do you like your dress?"
"Yeah, I do."
"But that's why Valerie is not a designer, right?"
"Yeah..."
"Thank God."
"You gonna let that skinny white bitch talk to me like that?"
Color us disappointed. We wanted to see some major bitchtastic fireworks coming from Fatma's direction this episode. Instead...
Vanessa went into full-on, not-without-my-daughter, Lifetime Television for Women mode.
Just goes to show you can never tell which direction the drama's going to come from when it comes to models. Granted, Fatma DID say she wanted to punch Vanessa in the face, and her defense of that was appropriately hilarious:
"I said it under my breath, it's not something I told her to her face, it's an expression."
Oh! Well then! That's completely understandable.
In other breaking model news, apparently everyone forgot they hated Mitchell:
"You're the most beautiful girl in the world."
"I know. Now I am going to crush your head with my giant model hands for putting me in danger again. Hold still."
And Erika decides a SAG card and an Arby's commercial is better for her career than being compared to a soccer ball by Michael Kors. Go figure.
Heidi goes fishing for some bitchery: "So, we wish her well, right?"
"You're fucking kidding, right?"
But YAY! Valerie's back. Seriously, from where we're sitting, she's the best of the lot. She's got the poise and the walk of a pro and she's got the kind of bone structure that makes photographers weep. Girl is a star in the making.
Back at Casa de Model, Vanessa's going for her Emmy:
"I feel extremely betrayed by Fatma. I will never be friends or trust that woman EVER again."
"I can't accept your apology. I think it's fake and phony, maybe I need some time to think about it."
"But...but...the producers told me I was supposed to be the crazy bitch on the show."
Models eat. Shyeah.
It's model-pickin' time! Logan, cupping his testicles protectively, picks Kojii.
Fatma debates whether she should merely cry on the runway or take a knife to a model's throat and start a hostage situation.
Erica goes home and the burgeoning lesbian soft core porn she and Matar were providing the producers goes with her, to the producers' eternal regret.
And if those airheaded designers leave Valerie standing on the runway like that again we'll...we'll...we'll write very mean things about them!
Hey, how about that? They made a beach outfit. Didn't they get the memo that in Project Runway Land, "beachwear" means "clothes that no sane person would wear to the beach?"
It's pretty cute, we gotta say. Love that print, and the braiding detail at the bust. Using the necklace to hold the whole thing up is interesting, but we wonder how practical it would be.
It looks like the shorts have some braiding on them too. That might be overdoing it a bit.
But we do like that they made them boy shorts. They look cute.
Model: Valerie Roy
Oy. It's not the worst entry this week, not by a long shot.
But it's WAY overdone. This has got Dr. Whitfield all over it.
It was an interesting choice of fabrics and we get that they were trying to evoke waves, but the whole thing's too heavy-looking for that image to come to mind. Maybe they meant that this dress was supposed to evoke what a woman in a gown would look like once she got hit with a wave. If so, good job!
"Having seen the first round, I know what the judges want now. What they want from me is to combine concept with construction that is very wearable and fashion-forward. "
Hey Malvin! That sounds great! After 5 seasons of obsessive Project Runway viewing, we can tell ya, that's exactly what gets the judges moist. Good for you for figuring it out so early in the game! So, what's your idea for this challenge?
"My concept revolves around the idea of fertility. I'm playing around with images of eggs, birds' nests; basically this look is called 'The Mother Hen.'"
We'll help you pack your things.
We were shocked when we realized he was being auf'd. To be perfectly honest, we had him pegged as one of the finalists.
With two "conceptual" designers auf'd in the first two episodes under the new regime, we have to wonder, does the Bunim/Murray team have a less heavy-handed approach toward influencing the judges than the Magical Elves somewhat infamously did?
After all, in past seasons, designers like Ari and Malvin were usually kept in the game for having a "point of view," which among the more cynical-minded viewers (like us) translated as "keep them in because they're entertaining."
It's possible that B/M is taking a hands-off approach. One of the rumors we heard while this season was in production was that the new producers had "heard the fans' complaints" and were adjusting accordingly. But consider this: the first two challenges out of the gate were as basic as it gets: red carpet and maternity, the dictates of which amounted to "make pretty dresses that women want to wear." It's rare for PR to start out with such basic challenges and both challenges are the kind that traditionally trip up the Lupes and Elisas and Dianas of the show.
So let's talk about his chicken costume.
Model: Valerie Roy
The one thing for which we'll give him credit is that he ditched the hilariously bad jodhpurs idea. Then again, when Tim greets your idea with a "Ohhh, Malvin," can you really be credited with having good instincts?
There's really not a lot to say about this look other than it started from a bad place conceptually and never once stopped along the way to consider both the practical points and the aesthetic ones. In other words, he never once gave a thought to how your average pregnant woman (let alone your, shall we say, above-average pregnant woman in the person of Rebecca Romijn) wants to look.
Nina nailed it when she said she looked like she was wearing a baby sling. Most new mothers will tell you that such things are practically essential to get through the day but we doubt very many of them praise it as a flattering or fashion-forward look. Otherwise, they'd continue to wear them up until their babies graduate high school.
Can we also say we hated that heavy, rough "Jesus of Nazareth" linen that he used?
Furthermore, most pregnant women we know do not want to wear garments that ADD volume to her silhouette, which is what all those folds and twists did.
Sure, from a pure design, pure concept perspective, they're a little interesting and it's worth noting that the judges, Nina in particular, seemed to appreciate them. But Project Runway isn't a "pure design, pure concept" kind of venue. It is a reality television show with fairly structured hoops that the designers have to jump through in order to get a chance at winning a hundred grand. It is, in effect, a high-end game show. It's also in its 6th season, so we have no sympathy for any contestant who doesn't realize that by now.
"One of the best things about this experience is that I've learned how strong I am grounded as a designer, as a philosopher, and as a person."
You know, that's all well and good honey, but it's a lot of hot air. You weren't here to have your philosophies reaffirmed; you were here to win a hundred thousand bucks and get some exposure.
We're being perhaps a little hard on him. You could tell he was shocked and saddened by his auf'ing. Like we said when Ari went home, we're all for bringing your concepts to the table, but you have to understand the milieu in which you're working and adjust yourself accordingly. Too bad for him that he didn't understand that.
Aw, we feel bad.
If we can get into a little armchair psychoanalysis, it seems to us that Miss Qristyl was really thrown off her game by last week's disastrous challenge. Between having Epperson constantly question her skill level and that embarrassing throw-down in front of the judges, she seems to have lost the brash, confident, "plus sexy" promise of her earlier self. "I'm the B-I-T-C-H," she said, forlornly to her room mates, and we sensed right from that moment that she was going to be on the chopping block yet again. Confidence always wins in reality television and self-doubt is a quick ticket home (or back to PR jail, where they're sequestered until the shooting is over).
Because of her lack of confidence she was a little too receptive to Tim's criticism. And we have to say...
We think he was off the mark on this one. No, her original design wouldn't have gotten her the win, but if she'd stuck with it, she could have avoided an auf. Tim said it looked sloppy, but we didn't think so. Unfortunately, she was raw from last week and the slightest criticism from Tim had her scrambling to pull something else together.
Model: Valerie Roy
It's really not a bad little dress. The problem is, it's boring. Heidi nailed it when she said Valerie looked like the girl who'd be serving the champagne instead of the girl attending the party.
We like the ripple effect on the fabric, though.
And the back is sexy.
But the absolute worst thing you can do on Project Runway is offer something safe and boring. Even shitty guest judges get bent out of shape over it.
"Valerie, do you like your dress?"
"Yeah, I do."
"But that's why Valerie is not a designer, right?"
"Yeah..."
"Thank God."
"You gonna let that skinny white bitch talk to me like that?"
